There are some things I can't go without. For instance, chocolate after dinner (didn't she explain this in the last post?), feeling a sense of accomplishment, and most importantly, human-interaction. Human-interaction is what keeps up sane, not to mention apart from the animals, and, essentially, happy and normal people. Since our move from Rexburg, I feel as though I have been completely removed from those around me--whether this is solely self-inflicted or circumstantial or a combination of the two is still a question needing to be answered. At the current moment, sitting on my bed in my new room, with my husband busy assembling a new dresser, I feel uncharacteristically empty. Empty in that I feel alone, overwhelmed, un-edified and unrelieved.
And do I dare go as far as to say: hopeless?
The odd thing is that I have been around people these entire two weeks. I have spent time with family, my husband, friends, and complete strangers. So what explains these sudden and unpleasant feelings?
As a retrace my steps, I think I've realized something interesting--or at least something I find interesting: amidst my previous settings with my previous people, I have been elsewhere--in my mind. Translation? My mind has been elsewhere.
Apartment hunting, apartment decorating, NCLEX studying, NCLEX worrying, baby worrying, baby hoping, new residence unpacking, new residence paperwork-ing, online class taking, grocery store shopping, etc.
Although I've been out on dates with my husband, spending time with family and friends, and corresponding with humans around me, all the while, I have been in my own head trying to plan/organize every detail of my next purchases, events, obligations, etc. that I have not actually been corresponding at all.
Which leads me to raise this question: Can simply being too busy, in both body and mind, cause the things we do each day to keep us sane to not have any effect on us at all?
I know the answer seems so obvious: of course it can. But let's be honest people--do we actually think that rule applies to us, as opposed to that guy/gal down the road?
No. Probably not.
I now have a better understanding of how people, especially women, can easily be run right into the hard, cold, lonely ground, simply by being too busy, too ambitious, and running faster than they have the strength.
I believe that mental and physical health go hand-in-hand to define our wellness and that if we're not happy or finding emotional stimulation and enjoyment by doing things that would normally bring us such, then perhaps we're not in need of medication, a sick-day, or therapy, maybe we just need to slow down the pace and allow ourselves to be stimulated.
What am I doing tomorrow?